Feliz Navidad

"Feliz La Ti Da. Feliz La Ti Da. Feliz La Ti Da La Ti Da Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo."

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"My eyeball toys don't shoot fire. If they did, it would be bad because our house would catch on fire and then the police would come and arrest all of us. I wouldn't want to be in jail because I would miss TV and also eating Pop-Tarts. So they don't shoot fire."

On Her Eyebrows

"LOOK! Look at my eyebrows. (wiggling of eyebrows) They're weeeeeeeeiiiiirrrrrd."

On Drooling On Her Fathers Pillow In Her Sleep

"Sometimes I like to sleep on my mouth."

On What To Get Dad For Christmas

"I want to get Dad a blanket for Christmas. And it says all over it "I love you Dad" and it has flowers that are brown. Because brown is a boy color. Green flowers too."

On Geoff Pike's Birthday

"Happy birfday Geoff, it's your birfday. I want to give you a food party hat made out of pepperoni pizza."

On Grover

"Mom, I control Grover's brain systems. I also make him talk."

Said In Order To Annoy Her Sister (Which It Did)

"Poop is my friend."

On The Way To School

"I wish we were worms."
(me) "Why?"
"Because I think we would like being worms."
(me) "Why?"
"Nevermind."

On Her Brain

"My brain is running around in circles in it's little house."

On Shoes

"Mom, do people name their shoes? I want to name mine Violet."

Ode To Bag Balm

"BAG BALM! BAG BALM! BAAAAAG BAAAAAAAALM! It's a bag with a bomb in it! BAG BALM BALM! It's a bag with a bomb in it!"

After Hugging Me

"I squeezed your eyeballs out. But don't worry....I have a whole backpack full of eyeballs. What color do you want? I have some that are strawberry eyes. They smell like STRAWBERRIES. Here. I will give you blues ones. (whispered) They smell like BLUEBERRIES and you can eat them if you get hungry."

On Superheroes

"I am Toothbrush Girl. I shoot blue toothbrushes from my hands. That is how I punch. The toothbrushes are only blue. There was a potion that turned my hair all blue like Watergirl only a different kind of blue. I also have secret powers and swords that are toothbrushes that are blue. Only one is pink, too."

On Our Car

"I wish our car was a monster truck. Then we could drive over the other cars."

On Our Cats

"I wish our cats were magic. Then they could talk and give us permission to do things. And they could run faster and merow louder. But only for a little bit of days, because if they did that all the days it would annoy you."

On Thanksgiving

"This Ganksgiving I am gankful for the gankful meal full of turkey that my mom made. Ganks."

Dear Santa

"Dear Santa,
I love you. I want a Paint My Teaset like I saw in the store. And a treasure chest filled with real treasure. That means plastic jewelry with REAL gems on it. And I want a computer to take pictures with and write my name on because there is always a 'V' on a computer."

On What She is Thinking About

"Mom, I am thinking about drumettes."
(Me) "?"
"You know. Drumettes. Like drumsticks. Little ones. You know. Food. I was just thinking about them."

On Her White Sweater (Continuing Her Campaign Against The Color White)

"This sweater that I am wearing looks like a fungus. Because its white. Fungus is white."

Upon Studying The Car's Dashboard

"Which button makes the car spin?"
(me) "WHAT?"
"Nevermind. I was not talking about your car."

On Bathrooms

"Mom I wish our toilet was bright colors. I do not like the color white."

On The Smell Of My Head As I Lay Sleeping

"Mom, your brain stinks of bees."

On Owning a Horse

"I wish I owned a horse. Then I could ride into town and get hot dogs in a can. And the horse would be pink, with stars on it."

On Lightswitches

"Mom, I wish there was a button right here on the wall that would turn our house into a giant bouncy house. With balls. And a slide that would be right here."

On The Scene From Tinkerbell and The Great Fairy Rescue When Tinkerbell Gets Slammed in A Cage

"Well, I guess now she is doomed."